unmarried sexuality

mintos · Posted: Sun Dec 19, 2004 5:55 pm Post subject: unmarried sexuality

hey people, i've been with my girlfriend for 7 months, and i know all about and truly respect the no sex before marriage rule, we've both been christian almost all of our lives (we're 18 ). im wondering how far is too far, at the moment we're ok with kissing and hugging, but we've been together for quite a while and are thinking about taking another step. any suggestions for something safe as a new way to declare our love for eachother?

Nobby · Posted: Tue Dec 21, 2004 2:28 am Post subject:

Hi mintos,
I don't know if I qualified to give advice, but I'm an old man & I've been thru a lot.
You & your girlfriend are 18, I'd say what just out of highschool? Are you planning on college?
You got your whole life ahead of you, so don't get in to big of a hurry.
I know it's very hard resist but if this is the girl you want to spend the rest of your life with, you will be glad that you did.

My younger daughter & her boyfriend had sex before they were married. I didn't know this until some years later when they were trying to have a child & couldn't. I found out that Dad & Mom didn't know she had an abortion. After nine years of trying they finaly had a baby girl.
You see no matter how careful your are, it will eventually happen, you'll get her pregnant. Then what will you do? Believe me this is advice that my parents didn't give me. I don't know if it would have made any difference. I got married at 19 way before I wanted 6 months later we had our first daughter. Just think about it, your a young Christian pray about it. I've rambeled enough. I know you'll do the right thing. Smile

God Bless You & your girlfriend,
Nobby

RevJP · Posted: Tue Dec 21, 2004 11:47 am Post subject:

Howdy,

You say you are both Christians? Let us ask then, where is the focus of your life? Are you God-focused or self-focused? As Christians our focus should always be on God, in order to grow and mature in our walk with Christ, He has to be first and foremost in our hearts and minds.

The reason I ask this is because sex, by its nature is a focus shifting activity. When one is engaged in sex, one does not have God as his focus (let us pause here and delay all questions regarding sex and marriage, because marriage is an established, sanctified covenant - a gift and institution of God).

So, sex before marriage equals... what? focus on the self, focus on physical satisfaction, no focus on God and no focus on spiritual satisfaction.

What is the bottom line? I can't give you specific limits, but I can tell you that when your physical activities become more about satisfying a physical urge, then you have gone too far.

mintos · Posted: Tue Dec 21, 2004 4:31 pm Post subject: awesome advice

thanks guys, all that stuff is awesome. as i say i know all the complications that can come with sex before marriage, one of my good mates has fallen into that trap. My girlfriend and i both want to save ourselves for marriage, so m not going to go too far there. My life is definately still god focused, He is number 1. I go to several camps leading and helping bringing young teens to god (i know its not about works either). I know that sex is definately a no no, i was wondering if you guys had any suggestions of things we could try for helping eachother show our love for eachother.

p.s thanks for the thing about if you're doing it for your own physical need its too far, thats a good little guideline!

InHeavenlyPlaces · Newbie Alert Joined: 20 Sep 2005 Posts: 1

Mintos

I know that you love your girlfriend very much and you want to get intimate with her, but sex before marriage is not the answer. Sex before marriage can actually be a marriage killer. I am not saying that if you do have sex before getting married will cause divorce in your marriage. If you are getting to the point that both of you becoming sexually attracted to each other you need to stop and back away. Spend at least one week away from each other and the only contact that you have is by phone. My wife and I had to do that once and it worked.

I hope you make the right choice.

Ryan Worley

mintos · Posted: Thu Sep 22, 2005 11:02 am Post subject:

wow, i'd almost forgotten about this posting!
my girlfriend and i have now been together for a year and 5 months, and you'll all be very proud of us.
We both noticed that things were getting way too physically focused a while ago, and we've had a really awesome talk about it to just hit the nail on the head, and now we're both on the exact same page, and we're living out our lives for god, and thanking him that we can follow his walk hand in hand.
Thanks for the advice ryan, a while ago we were ready to try a break, but then we just talked about it, got everything out in the open and now we're so close to eachother and respect eachother all the more for it.
God bless you all, thanks for all the help along the way.
Mintos Very Happy